when i started this blog, it was a huge step for me. partly cos’ i have never really shared my writing with anyone. i wrote in my journal, for me to process things. it was only a couple of years ago where i joined a writing group at my local council library that i read out my writing for the first time to a group of strangers. we were given various short two minute exercises during our class and whilst i was terrified of sharing my writing, i also loved hearing how amazingly talented and creative and different everyone is!
i convinced myself that if i didn’t advertise this blog to too many people, i could write what i wanted to write, from my heart and not worry what others think. i remember when i started my photography business, i was so consumed and fixated on what people thought about my photography, that it would cause me to freeze. as a result, i didn’t blog that much, partly cos’ i was scared what people thought of my photographs and would deliberate for so long about which photograph was the “best”… by which time i had convinced myself that nothing i took was good and didn’t blog that session! i also felt it was terribly inauthentic writing words on the blog, when the whole point of that exercise was to use selective key words in there so that it would be good for seo and drive more traffic to my business. there’s only so many times one can say that they love this family, their kids are adorable and every family should have a photography session. all true things, but it just seemed to salesy for me.
i say all this to illustrate that after my previous blogging experience, i decided that if i were ever to start a blog, i would only write about things that really mattered to me. so with that in mind, i started this blog inspired by the legendary seth godin, who has written daily on his blog for over 15 years!
all that to say – today, being mothers day… is a day that brings many mixed feelings.
i’ve not been very forthcoming about my mum’s death with many people, not because i deliberately want to hide it. but more often because there just doesn’t seem an appropriate time to share. today, i had someone wish me a happy mothers day for my mum. it was awkward. that clearly wasn’t the right time to share with them that i lost my mum!!
but that got me thinking, when is the right time to share your sorrows with others when they are in joyful celebration? is there a way where people can gather together, and for us to be so open and united with each other, that we can share our joys and sorrows at the same time?
please don’t get me wrong – i’m not writing this in an attempt to gather pity; nor do i intend for those amazing mums who are being celebrated to feel bad for me. but i do think there is beauty and kindness in considering others who for whatever reason are in pain when others are celebrating. i would normally not say anything, but for some reason today, i feel the need to speak up – cos’ i think we are stronger as a community when we can unite together despite our differences. this blog post is dedicated to those who are hurting out there – to those who have lost their mums, and also to those who long to be a mum but can’t. today, i grieve with you… and at the same time celebrate with those who are amazing mums and are celebrating with their mums today.
i wish i could say that after 28 years, the loss and grief is easier. but that isn’t the case for me. i do agree with this quote from irving stone – “from out of pain, beauty”
p.s i think i wore more dresses as a kid than i do now 😛
